A plea for guidance

[tessa]

jeanne, I didn't see this til now. ~hugs~

There are days...weeks actually, when I think, "this is going nowhere!!" Then there are times when it's so perfect, I can't even think. I like what Oz said when he pointed out that your husband may not see you as that submissive type he's always had his mind on. Do you see him as the Dominant of your dreams. Hopefully that answer is 'yes'. It makes the BDSM world you're trying to create and sustain an easier place to settle into. But you may have to readjust your paradigm about each other. And yes, you have to talk about it. But it can be a quick conversation, just to get the idea started. My husband said I was "overwhelming" him with info. So I backed off and just threw little pieces out there. It's helped.

I talked to a Dom the other day who told me that it took a good few years to get comfortable in his Dom skin. That's what I said! But look at it this way, if you will. For your husband's whole life, he's been told what right and okay to think and feel about women. Now, there's this whole other mindset to consider. Just yesterday, I was watching a show about a woman that was distressed when her husband would hold her down with his foot and declare his ownership over her. My husband was with me and about at the same time as I said, "what's so wrong with that?", he said, "a man can't do that." Then I said, "yes he can, if it's within the accepted limits of a safe, respectful and consensual relationship." We looked at each other and had that moment of connecting and understanding. Little moments like that help, too. (Now I know what abuse is, so please don't think I'm advocating abuse of any sort.)

Also, suggestions about what would be fun to try and pictures of said activities that just happen to find a way into his view might also encourage him to try more with you. "Honey, it would feel so good if we..." along with a visual can't be all bad, right?

Just hold his hand tight and ask him to walk with you.

All the very best-
tessa