Unfortunately, this is pretty common. A lot of people seem to discover BDSM, or at least learn to put a name to their desires, when involved in vanilla relationships.

Some times it works out. There are examples of couples who managed to make the switch (no pun intended), and I am sure you can find some on this site. But the reality is that a lot of time it doesn't. You just can't make someone kinky, if that isn't their natural inclination.

So absolutely I would suggest talking to your partner and sharing your desires. Maybe you will spark something within him. But.. you need to be ready to face the possibility that BDSM might not interest him in the slightest.

If that happens, you will have to decide what to do from here. Can you live with a vanilla relationship? Can you live without your partner? Can you come to a compromise between the two?

There are lots of people who maintain a vanilla real life relationship, and scratch their kink-itch with an online relationship. This could potentially work for you, but I would advise against doing it behind your partner's back. To me, that is akin to cheating, but that is only my opinion, your mileage may vary, yada yada yada.

I used to have a link to a great article written about this very thing... submissive women involved in relationships with vanilla men. Unfortunately the site doesn't seem to be around anymore as my bookmark took me someplace completely different.

I am sorry to be the one to throw a big bucket of reality on this situation, but I don't think being told "It will work out, keep trying!!" is all that helpful. I am really not a bitch. I swear.

FTR, I was involved in a vanilla relationship when I myself discovered BDSM. I was struggling with what to do when we ended up breaking up for other reasons. That opened up the possibility of finding a realtionship with someone who WAS kinky, and that is when I met my Master. I couldn't be happier.

Good luck, however it works out!