For some people it takes A LOT of time to come to grips with this lifestyle. For example, I knew when I was a teenager that I was into BDSM and did a lot of research at that time. I actually overwhelmed myself and pushed my preference away. For 10 years, I spent time in vanilla relationships that didn't work out. Sex was a big part of that - my preferences kept nagging at me (annoying how that happens, isn't it?). I commend you - I never had the confidence to bring it up in any of my relationships.

After the last one, I decided that BDSM was officially for me (no matter how badly I wanted to fight it). Now I am revisiting this world with a partner in R/L. Despite the fact that we were into it years ago, we've been at it for 5 months and we are still only brushing the surface. In fact, He has only just started to spend a lot more time researching certain things - I think that's because it took Him a while to be confident in the fact that this is what we BOTH want.

It just takes time - time to learn, time to get comfortable with each other in this capacity and time to get confident in both of your abilities.

It could very well be a confidence problem. If he is new to this maybe he isn't confident enough in his understanding and ability to take the bull by the horns here. And maybe it seems so big that he doesn't know where to start, so he avoids all together? You admit that you are having a hard time submitting - is this coming out in the bedroom? Maybe that is undermining his progress. If you can't fully be in your "role" the maybe he can't either. If the other partner isn't fully into it, I can see how that would make anyone feel a bit foolish. Since you really want this to work, maybe you need to "fake it till you make it," so to speak.

Have you asked him, without pressuring him and not right before, during, or after sex, what he thinks the snag is all about?

Best wishes for success here :-)