What am I? Sub? Dom? Wannabe?

[blythe spirit]

Maybe you're simply a "switch?"

[gemmy]

Maybe you're simply a "switch?"

I agree with blythe; it's likely you are a switch Rowan.

I don't think your physical size has anything to do with it but yes, I can understand your perception and I do have to say....."a great big Dominant, mmmmmm, that's just yummmmo!"......hehehe

Sounds like you have the Dominant part sussed but are having confusion only about the submissive side of you.

It's likely that all you need is a truly strong Dominant/Mistress that brings out your sub naturally, which makes you resist your desire to be defiant to her. There are Dominants in our lives that bring that out of us instantly and naturally and it feels wonderfully splendid.

No need to question what you "should" or shouldn't be, just enjoy

It's the boat I'm in currently; although I'm not a switch in any regard, I'm a very strong personality and am independent and in control of everything in my life. The Master that is very strong is the only Master I will be able to submit entirely to

[Virulent]

I don't think your physical size has anything to do with it

I don't know about that - to some degree biology is destiny.

It occurs to me though Rowen; maybe you're just horny and somewhat kinky? For the last decade or so, I've been at the point where I just can't orgasm without some dominance or sadism involved. I'm not saying that you have to be as fucked up as I am to be a dom, but in my case I am somewhat lucky I guess, in that I have no anxiety or ambiguity about my sexual polarity. Without being able to compel submission and/or pain from the thing I'm fucking, I'm out of luck. That can really be maddening sometimes, by the way.

[Rowen]

I don't know about that - to some degree biology is destiny.

It occurs to me though Rowen; maybe you're just horny and somewhat kinky?

I thought that was the simple case for a long time...

Rowen,
In terms of lifestyle Dominance... your fantasies seem to suggest that perhaps you SHOULD explore both areas of yourself. Why not? What's the harm? I assume you have been very open with your current Mistress about what you feel--if you haven't been, you should--open communication is CRITICAL. But self-exploration is such a large part of the lifestyle. There is nothing "wrong" with deciding that, after further exploration & learning, you might fit better into one role then another.

Am thinking about that, now I am on the verge of going real life...Exactly why I am asking, because..what to look for??
I have talked about this at length with Miss Tanya. While it started with o/l dominating her slave (Slut Linda) she quickly put her finger on my submissive side...during our contacts it became obvious I was at least submissive to her: she estimates me "70% sub, 30% Dom"...and often when playing with Linda I hear her saying "your submissive side is showing!! Take care.."
She encourages me to explore, and we have an unique opportunity for that: me being submissive to her, but dom to her slave (which I love, hehehe..)

Hmm, I think I'll tell (possible) partners exactly that: am looking, exploring and let's face it, it gives many possibilities for both sides.... One of my playpartners over here discovered she was much more domme than sub... (I'll have to face the music for that when Miss Tanya is back online, but that's an other story)

Exactly my thought when I finished reading the post. Sometimes it is best to not over analyze and just go with the flow doing what feels right at the moment.

You are so right...that being a sort of submission by itself!

Once again, thanks..really helps!

[gemmy]

I don't think your physical size has anything to do with it

I don't know about that - to some degree biology is destiny.

Do you know how many small women I've met that are Domme and even Professional Dominatrix; as well as many larger men that want to be submissive?

I don't think that just because you are large or small that means you should or shouldn't be submissive or Dominant at all.

I do think it is something they would struggle against since society has already dictated what they're roles should or shouldn't be, but maybe therein lies a little fetish of it's own?

[Rowen]

I don't think your physical size has anything to do with it but yes, I can understand your perception and I do have to say....."a great big Dominant, mmmmmm, that's just yummmmo!"......hehehe

Why thank you....will keep that in mind, lol

Sounds like you have the Dominant part sussed but are having confusion only about the submissive side of you.

Am not so sure...in my dreams and in roleplay I can hide my uncertainty, real life would be different. With my gf it were only playfull bondage games. And I think I would quite easily be "topped from the bottom".. taking pity on my "victim" As mistress told me "you are a nice gentleman, but Slut doesn't need a gentle man..."

Then again...breaking through that point during a session with Slut Linda was awesome...for the both of us.

It's likely that all you need is a truly strong Dominant/Mistress that brings out your sub naturally, which makes you resist your desire to be defiant to her. There are Dominants in our lives that bring that out of us instantly and naturally and it feels wonderfully splendid.

You sure do have a point there. Even online, from the very first time I mailed whit her I felt her dominance... As written, struggled, but really...didn't stand a chance. That was scaring...she had had me shivering behind the sceen on occasions and trust me, there is no defiance then!
Writing this....must confess...perhaps that such an encounter in real life would be good. Mistress has told me on occasion that many dominants start as submissives (she did herself), also learning what it means to be dominated.

There is an other point I realised today. Perhaps I lack the courage to really submit? I mean, have read some punishment, some tasks at the academy, you know. And yes...big turn on...but doing such a thing, taking the risk of really getting humiliated..simply scares the shit out of me. I must admit I secretely admire the courage of many submissives here. But somehow it feels that when mistress (or a domme, taskmaster) would tell me do it, I would..no matter how scared I would be....strange...

No need to question what you "should" or shouldn't be, just enjoy

That could be mistress speaking...and you know what? You're both right, but I have to learn that. And meanwhile...boy am I searching and wandering...

BTW: you all, Blythe, gem, virulant, thanks for helping me in that search..

[claire]

There is an other point I realised today. Perhaps I lack the courage to really submit? I mean, have read some punishment, some tasks at the academy, you know. And yes...big turn on...but doing such a thing, taking the risk of really getting humiliated..simply scares the shit out of me. I must admit I secretely admire the courage of many submissives here. But somehow it feels that when mistress (or a domme, taskmaster) would tell me do it, I would..no matter how scared I would be....strange...

Submitting can be scary and your Dom/me should take that into consideration. That is why for me it was important to get to know my Dom and build trust, before I could submit. While humiliation and punishment scare me, they also excite me. That is the key for me. Is submitting sexually arousing or does it fill some other need in you? If not, why do it? As for being a good sub, not, me. I'm lazy, rebellious, argumentative, selfish.... It is your Dom/me's job to control and guide you as you learn to control yourself. Ultimately though I enjoy pleasing him and that is what motivates me to change.

It also sounds to me like you are a switch. Perhaps talking to other switches would help.

[Warbaby1943]

Maybe you're simply a "switch?"

Exactly my thought when I finished reading the post. Sometimes it is best to not over analyze and just go with the flow doing what feels right at the moment.