Quote Originally Posted by Rowen View Post
There is an other point I realised today. Perhaps I lack the courage to really submit? I mean, have read some punishment, some tasks at the academy, you know. And yes...big turn on...but doing such a thing, taking the risk of really getting humiliated..simply scares the shit out of me. I must admit I secretely admire the courage of many submissives here. But somehow it feels that when mistress (or a domme, taskmaster) would tell me do it, I would..no matter how scared I would be....strange...
Submitting can be scary and your Dom/me should take that into consideration. That is why for me it was important to get to know my Dom and build trust, before I could submit. While humiliation and punishment scare me, they also excite me. That is the key for me. Is submitting sexually arousing or does it fill some other need in you? If not, why do it? As for being a good sub, not, me. I'm lazy, rebellious, argumentative, selfish.... It is your Dom/me's job to control and guide you as you learn to control yourself. Ultimately though I enjoy pleasing him and that is what motivates me to change.

It also sounds to me like you are a switch. Perhaps talking to other switches would help.